And so it begins (part one)

What have I done? Here I am writing this blog with no thought or reason. I have never been one to keep a diary or a journal of thoughts. Not that I haven't tried but I always seem to start them but never keep it up past a few days. Even when I was pregnant I couldn't manage more than a few entries. So why this page. To tell you the truth I have no idea. It has come about purely by chance and it may go just as the pages of my old diaries have. But I feel it may be the place I can go to sort out the chaos screaming in my head.

At the moment life is very up in the air. Hubby has recently become unemployed. While this will cause some financial restrictions it will not be life threatening. We have my income plus Miss P's so we "should" be OK. But it is still a major change to out household dynamics. He is now the man about the house, cooking and doing the school runs, chatting to the teacher and caring for our children. While at first i was looking forward to having him at home ( if nothing more than to see how he manages two children under five and run a household!). But now I am not so sure I am keen.
There is nothing I like more than having him home more and getting home at night to a cooked meal has it's advantages, but I am still struggling with this. Am I just so accustomed to a male being the bread maker? Have i been so trained to think having him at home makes him less of a man? Does this make him any less my master and holder of my heart? I really don't know. I yearn for him to take control and run this house with a firm hand. Will having him about the house achieve this? He will be here more, more able to control the budget, make decisions about the children that he has never done before. So maybe it is only my fears that are stopping me from embracing this change.
I am never good with change. Comes from having to much instability as a child i am sure of that.
I trust Hubby to make the right choices for us, I know that whatever he choices will be done with all our best interests at heart. Maybe it's time i surrendered and let him do this for us